STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
