Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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