Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
