somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
