Sry I called you an 8
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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