im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
