Whod you bang
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
