i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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