DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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