Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
