So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
