I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
