I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
