so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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