one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
