We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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