So drunk its hurt
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
