I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
