My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
