I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize