I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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