Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
