idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
