she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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