Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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