Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
