I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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