I think my fart just growled at me.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
