I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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