he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What a dumb baby whore.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
