College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I could make wine with my vomit
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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