Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
