It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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