; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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