A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
