curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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