I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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