omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
