Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I just sharted jello shots
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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