Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry about my life...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize