Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
