I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
