Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
