After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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