I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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