Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
