My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize