Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
