I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
