Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
