Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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