I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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