your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
