I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
