Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
