Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
