I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Randomize
