Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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