so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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